A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am mentally ready for anal.
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