why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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