I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
