oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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