did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize