you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
