He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
