I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
