it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
