After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
