cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize