How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
