You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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