I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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