i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Too much gin, very little bucket
He passed out mid-signature
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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