I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
