shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
