I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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