Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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