Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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