you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
