Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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