Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
