This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
