Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
