He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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