I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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