i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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