Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
