I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
