eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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