I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
