Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
