we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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