I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
