I love black thongs
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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