I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
