i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
