we have pet lesbian snakes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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