and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
