I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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