It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
