Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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