Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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