Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
