yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
