All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
