sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
