I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize