About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
