I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
