His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My bed smells like the plague
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
