while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk is not a location!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
