Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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