she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
