There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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