well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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