I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
