Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i came on her dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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