there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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