the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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