Already got asked if we're dating
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
