Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
