i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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