Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

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(949): View more from California

hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk

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(870): View more from Arkansas

He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

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(773): View more from Illinois

That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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(914): View more from New York

I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later

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(607): View more from New York

Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?

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(607): View more from New York

You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.

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