But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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