when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
