Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
