we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
