There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
