The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Holy shit dude........stairs
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