maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
