Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
try to milk me bitch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
