PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
