So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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