I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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