I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
