I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
two words: eviction party
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
