He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
