the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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