Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
