This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
