Already got asked if we're dating
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
even my farts smell like vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
