I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
