I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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