What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
