how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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