Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize