I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
