I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
