direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
