i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
