Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
