I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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