I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
