she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
