Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
