remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
