talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
