I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
