I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize